Your sexuality is not a problem to be managed but a sacred longing that points you straight toward God.
On this page
Understand
Overview
Sexuality as Sacred Longing
Most of us were handed a version of sexuality that was either dangerously permissive or suffocatingly fearful, and neither one told the truth. The church, by and large, reduced the conversation to a list of things Christians were not allowed to do, with very little connection to the grander themes of spirituality, or understanding from a psychological perspective. We were left with rules and regulations about what we do and don't do with our bodies, and the sneaking suspicion that God had abandoned all things sexual to the playground of the devil. That suspicion was a lie, and Incarnational Sexuality and Holiness exists to name it as such.
Sexuality, properly understood, is the deep desire and longing that drives us beyond ourselves in an attempt to connect with, to understand, that which is other than ourselves. It is a longing to know and be known by other people on physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual levels. That is not a small or dirty thing. That is the very architecture of love. And it mirrors our spirituality, which is the inner compulsion to connect with the Eternal Other, which is God. The Hebrew word yada, used for both sexual intercourse and our relationship with God, tells us something the church has been slow to receive: knowing another person and knowing God are not two separate projects. They are two expressions of the same creaturely hunger.
Sexuality, properly understood, is the deep desire and longing that drives us beyond ourselves in an attempt to connect with, to understand, that which is other than ourselves.
This theme does not begin with behavior management. It begins with the Incarnation, the moment God took on a body and walked into the mess of human longing, touch, friendship, and grief. In Jesus we find the perfect marrying of sexuality and spirituality. He is the living embodiment of what a completely integrated spirituality and sexuality look like. When we look to him, we are released from the Gnostic dualism that treats the body as suspect and the spirit as the only part God cares about. Our bodies, our longings, our relational hungers are not obstacles to holiness. They are, when rightly oriented, the very pathway toward it.
Incarnational Sexuality and Holiness invites you to move through four movements: from the original goodness of embodied creation, through the distortions the fall introduced into our desires, into the sanctifying work of redemption, and forward toward the kingdom consummation where all things are finally made whole. This is not a tidy journey. But it is a real one, and it is the one Jesus walked with us.
The usual question
How do I keep my sexuality under control so it doesn't get me into trouble?
How has viewing sexuality through fear and behavior control prevented me from discovering God's holy purpose for my embodied desires?
The holiness of Jesus, it seems, is a redemptive, missional, world-embracing holiness that does not separate itself from the world, but rather liberates it.
Deb Hirsch, Redeeming Sex
The Model
The Incarnational Continuum
The Incarnational Continuum is not a self-improvement program. It is a map of the biblical story as it runs through your own body and relational life. The four movements trace the arc from how God originally made us, through what went wrong and why it hurts, into what redemption actually does in us, and finally toward the wholeness that is still coming. You will likely find yourself in more than one place at once. That is honest, and that is fine.
01
Embodied Goodness (Creation)
Genesis 1:26-27 proclaims liturgically the creation of human beings as the culmination of God's sovereign, harmonious ordering of the world, and a significant part of that imaging is fellowship in our relationships with each other. Before anything went wrong, sexuality was already here, woven into the fabric of what it means to bear God's image. The starting point for any honest conversation about sex is not shame or suspicion but the Creator's own verdict: it is very good.
02
Distorted Longings (The Fall)
Every human being on the planet is sexually broken. Everybody's orientation is disoriented. The fall did not create sexuality; it curved our God-given longings inward, toward consumption rather than communion, toward self-protection rather than self-gift. Failing to integrate spirituality with the body can cause us to live a fragmented life that operates at two contradictory levels: a disembodied spirituality that floats two inches above the earth, and a suppressed bodily sexuality that seeks to find expression in illicit ways. Naming the distortion honestly is not condemnation; it is the beginning of freedom.
03
Sanctified Intimacy (Redemption)
Transformation starts with acceptance and integration. In marrying sexuality to fear, shame and guilt we have not only tainted God's gracious gift but have imprisoned his people. Redemption moves in the opposite direction: it brings our sexuality into the light, holds it with honesty, and slowly orients it toward the covenantal love that Scripture calls agape. This is the more holy, truthful, revelatory and self-giving form of love that should come to characterize our relationships. It is not achieved quickly, but it is real.
04
Kingdom Consummation (Restored Wholeness)
We live in what has been called the now and the not yet. All of us are on a journey toward wholeness; not one of us is excluded. The kingdom consummation is the horizon that gives the whole journey meaning: a day when there will be no more tears, no more sickness and brokenness, and all the redeemed will live in the unmediated presence of God. Until then, we keep pressing on to become like him. Every act of honest, holy intimacy in the present is a proleptic sign of that coming wholeness.
Two Ways of Holding the Body
Disembodied legalismIncarnational wholeness
What sexuality isDisembodied legalismA biological impulse to be regulated, primarily understood through what is forbiddenIncarnational wholenessA deep desire and longing that drives us beyond ourselves to know and be known by other people, on physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual levels
The body's roleDisembodied legalismA liability to the soul; something to be suppressed or kept at arm's length from spiritual lifeIncarnational wholenessCapable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and divine, a sign of the mystery hidden since time immemorial in God
How discipleship handles desireDisembodied legalismAsexual at best, antisexual at worst, requiring the suppression of all the dangerous energy sexuality producesIncarnational wholenessIntegrates spirituality with the body, including all its desires and pleasures, producing a more fully alive, more whole, more integrated person
What fear producesDisembodied legalismA fragmented life that operates at two contradictory levels: a disembodied spirituality that floats two inches above the earth, and a suppressed bodily sexuality that seeks to find expression in illicit relationshipsIncarnational wholenessTransformation that starts with acceptance and integration, because suppressing sexuality doesn't help anyone
How holiness is understoodDisembodied legalismHoliness as separation from the unclean, a moralism that repels the very people Jesus drew to himselfIncarnational wholenessA holiness of engagement, not exclusion; a redemptive, missional, world-embracing holiness that does not separate itself from the world but rather liberates it
The goal of sexual formationDisembodied legalismBehavioral compliance: getting people's sex lives cleaned up as the first order of discipleshipIncarnational wholenessEmbodied wholeness: a proper sexual ethic that develops a framework for the good expression of our good sexuality
For much of its history the Western church has treated the body as a problem to be controlled and sexuality as a dangerous paganizing force. Incarnational Sexuality and Holiness begins somewhere else entirely: with the conviction that God created us as embodied beings and that our sexuality forever points us toward our Creator.
Examine
Biblical Foundations
The Word That Took on Flesh
Mark 12:29-31
Historical Context
Where This Conversation Began
The seed of Incarnational Sexuality and Holiness was first planted in a chapter of Untamed, the book I wrote with Alan Hirsch about what it means to be an untamed disciple of Jesus. It grew out of sixteen years leading South Melbourne Restoration Community, a community that didn't flinch or shock too easily and saw sexuality as simply part and parcel of being human, of being a disciple. Over a quarter of that congregation was LGBTQ, and we regularly sought help to make sense of what discipleship looked like for people whose sexuality the wider church had largely abandoned to shame or silence. What became clear, slowly and sometimes painfully, was that the church had inherited a largely moralistic, disgraced, traditional dualistic suppression of the body that had marked Christianity in the Western tradition. That inheritance was doing real damage. Redeeming Sex, published in 2015, was my attempt to name that damage honestly and to point toward a much more redemptive understanding of sexuality than the one we ordinarily have. The argument is not new in its deepest roots: the Hebrew word yada, used for both sexual intercourse and knowledge of God, has always told us that knowing another person and knowing God belong to the same human longing. What is new is the urgency of recovering that truth for a church that has largely forgotten it.
Sixteen years at South Melbourne Restoration Community
Deb and Alan Hirsch led a community where belonging preceded belief and sexuality was treated as part and parcel of being a disciple, not a problem to be managed before entry.
2010s
2010The seed of this theme was penned in a chapter of Untamed, framing sexuality within the broader call to untamed, incarnational discipleship.
2015Redeeming Sex was published by IVP Books, offering the first full account of Incarnational Sexuality and Holiness drawn from twenty-five years of ministry in Australia and Los Angeles.
Western Christian tradition (ongoing)
The dualistic suppression of the body that Deb names as the inherited problem traces through centuries of Gnostic-influenced Christianity, in which the body was treated as a liability to the soul rather than its revelatory companion.
Ministry in Los Angeles
Church planting with Tribe of Los Angeles gave the incarnational framework further testing ground in an urban context, deepening the pastoral and missional dimensions of the theme.
Field Studies
Encounters That Reframe Everything
The incarnational vision is not an abstraction; it shows up in specific moments where a person's sexuality and their longing for God collide. Two encounters from the Gospels have shaped how I read everything else.
Case study
The Woman Caught in Adultery
A woman dragged before a crowd of religious men, likely naked, facing death. Jesus refuses to play the role the crowd assigns him, restores her dignity, and speaks acceptance before he speaks correction. The order matters enormously.
Case study
The Prostitute at Simon's House
A known prostitute enters a Pharisee's dinner, loosens her hair in a gesture charged with erotic overtones, and wets Jesus' feet with perfume and tears. Jesus lets her continue. His actions are not reckless but redemptive.
Case study
A Young Man After a Workshop
After a sexuality workshop a young man confesses in tears that he has been masturbating and believes his pastor's warning that each instance has permanently damaged his chances of a happy marriage. He is drowning in shame that was poured in by fear-based counsel.
Apply
Formation
Integrating Body, Desire, and Spirit
Step 1
Step 1
Sit quietly and name one area where you have disconnected your body from your spiritual life; bring it openly before God.
Step 2
Step 2
Read the creation narratives in Genesis 1–2 slowly, noticing that God called embodied, sexual humanity very good.
Step 3
Step 3
Practice seeing every person you encounter today first as an image bearer of God, before anything else about them registers.
Step 4
Step 4
Identify one relationship in your life that meets a deep social-sexual longing for intimacy; give it intentional, unhurried attention this week.
Step 5
Step 5
When shame surfaces around your body or desires, resist the reflex to suppress; instead, bring that exact thing to God in honest prayer.
Step 6
Step 6
Journal on the question: where in my sexuality do I sense the signpost pointing toward God, even in its brokenness?
Reflection
Knowing and Being Known
Where have you learned to treat your body as something separate from your soul, and what has that cost you in your relationship with God and others?
Sexuality is described as the deep desire and longing that drives us beyond ourselves to connect with what is other than ourselves. Where do you experience that longing most acutely, and where do you try to satisfy it in ways that ultimately leave you emptier?
If every human being on the planet is sexually broken and all of us are on a journey toward wholeness, how does that change the way your team approaches people whose sexual lives look different from yours?
In what ways has your community or church communicated that sexuality is God-abandoned territory, and what damage has that silence or fear caused in the people around you?
Jesus modeled a holiness of engagement rather than exclusion, and sinners of all sorts were drawn into his orbit. What would it look like for your community to carry that same quality of holiness into the sexually broken world around you?
Go deeper
Watch for the Distortion
Body Without Spirit, Spirit Without Flesh
Incarnational Sexuality and Holiness is a demanding idea, and it gets pulled in two predictable directions. One side strips the body of any spiritual significance; the other strips holiness of any ethical seriousness. Neither does justice to the whole, embodied, redeemed humanity God is after.
Reducing sexuality to genital behavior alone
When sexuality is collapsed into a list of permitted and forbidden genital acts, the vast territory of human longing for intimacy, connection, and communion goes unaddressed. Social sexuality, every friendship, every act of care, every moment of genuine knowing, is sexuality too. Treating only the genital dimension leaves people managing behavior while starving for love, which is precisely the fragmented life this theme is trying to heal.
Using holiness as a reason to keep distance
The church has often treated holiness as fragile, as something protected by keeping the sexually broken at arm's length. But Jesus modeled a different type of purity, a holiness of engagement, not exclusion. Sinners of all sorts were drawn into his orbit. A holiness that repels suffering people is not holiness at all; it is a counterfeit form of moralism that has no power to redeem.
Mistaking shame-based suppression for discipleship
Suppressing sexuality doesn't help anyone; transformation starts with acceptance and integration. When we marry sexuality to fear, shame, and guilt, we imprison people rather than free them. A proper sexual ethic doesn't deny that we are sexual beings; it develops a framework for the good expression of our good sexuality, beginning with the recognition that God created it, and it was good.
Assuming the journey ends before Jesus returns
Every human being on the planet is sexually broken. Everybody's orientation is disoriented. All of us are on a journey toward wholeness; not one of us is excluded. Expecting complete sexual wholeness in this life, and measuring people's discipleship by whether they have achieved it, misreads the now-and-not-yet reality we all inhabit. Sanctification is a process, and we all limp toward heaven by grace.
Q&A
Your Embodied Longings, Honestly Answered
What sexuality actually is
Is sexuality really about more than sex?
Yes, and significantly so. Sexuality can be described as the deep desire and longing that drives us beyond ourselves in an attempt to connect with, to understand, that which is other than ourselves. It is our longing to know and be known, on physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual levels. Every relationship we have is, in some sense, an expression of our social sexuality. Only some relationships are genitally motivated.
What does the Hebrew word yada have to do with sexuality?
The Hebrew word yada, meaning 'to know,' is used for both sexual intimacy and our knowledge of God. To yada God doesn't mean having abstract theoretical knowledge about God, but being connected to God, an intimate, experiential encounter with the holy. This overlap is not accidental. Whether we point to the fullness of sexuality or the fullness of spirituality, yada is the word we are searching for.
The body and God
Does God actually care about what happens to my body?
Profoundly. We are not, as one theologian put it, primarily and essentially souls and secondarily and consequently bodies. From original creation to the new creation we are embodied beings. Our personhood and sexuality are tied together with the fact that we are flesh and blood. Our bodies can be the very place where something of the mystery of God is revealed, capable of making visible what is invisible.
If we are created in God's image, what does that say about our sexuality?
It says that our sexuality reflects something of who God is. Sex is not just a means to the end of propagating the species, or even for fun, but to make the Creator known. How we understand and live out our sexuality is profoundly important because we will either reflect our Creator or not. Our sexuality is a signpost pointing toward God, especially when expressed in healthy ways, but even in its brokenness.
Shame and healing
Is it possible to be a deeply spiritual person and still struggle sexually?
Every human being on the planet is sexually broken. Everybody's orientation is disoriented. All of us are on a journey toward wholeness; not one of us is excluded. The question is not whether we will struggle. The question is whether we allow our struggle to bring us to the foot of the cross, and whether we find a community honest enough to walk that road with us.
How should the church talk about sexuality without causing more shame?
Our young people don't need fear-based counsel that compounds the shame they already feel. This only keeps their sexuality in the dark. Suppressing sexuality doesn't help anyone; transformation starts with acceptance and integration. A proper sexual ethic doesn't deny the fact that we are sexual beings; it develops a framework for the good expression of our good sexuality, and that conversation must begin with the affirmation that God created it.
You don't need to have your sexuality sorted out before you bring it to God. In fact, that is exactly the wrong place to start. Bring the longing, the confusion, the brokenness, and the beauty, all of it, and let the journey of Incarnational Sexuality and Holiness become the place where your embodied, sexual, spiritual self finally exhales and comes home.
